Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
