Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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