hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize