you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
