I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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