I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sext me about skeletons
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
