i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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