Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize