no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
