I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize