Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
