I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
