The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
