ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
3 2 1 whiskey
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
