By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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