There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
