i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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