I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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