Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
