yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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