using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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