you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
How external is "for external use only"?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
