Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize