KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
