Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
