So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
