he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
