So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
