Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
