That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
did i just pee glitter
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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