OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
