found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
