i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
