my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just puked most of my soul out..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
