Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
