I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
