A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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