we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Randomize
