Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
