You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
