I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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