Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize