she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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