I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
