I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
