after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize