Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
