You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
