I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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