I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
