Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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