She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
