I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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