I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
