Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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