yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize