haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize