sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
