Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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