The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
