I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
