so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
