Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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