he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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