I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
