i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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