I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
