My hair reeks of homosexuality.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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