I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
