Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
please come you make the beer taste better
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
