ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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