Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
